(copied from FB notes)

Today I realize how terrible I am with goodbyes. See? It's already the 5th of the new year before I even thought of saying my proper farewell to 2010. And so I should do this right. Goodbye 2010. I have so many things... too many things and people to be thankful for.  How many times did I have to stop and take deep breaths this year so that I don't get overwhelmed at how kind and generous and loving the people around me have been? I can't even count anymore.

 

I should thank PETA first. It had been a wonderful 8 years. Thank you for believing in me, supporting me, for letting me go when I really had to and then for making me feel that there is always a room for me at the Theater Center because I may have given up a post but there is still so much more I can do to be still part of the PETA family. Because of you, I may be the only person to go out of my comfort zone, comforted by the fact that you are actually still holding my hands as I take on a new path.

 

As I embrace the writer's life, I say thank you to MSV and PHR for the opportunity. At the awarding of the novel of the year award, I remember saying - you know, there is nothing more rewarding than to be recognized for something that you love doing. I have always loved to write. Most of the time, I write as if my life depended on it, and you know, maybe it does. In connection with this, I thank all the readers who have ever texted, called, posted comments, sent me private messages to tell me how they like/love/appreciate my works. Please know that I really really am grateful for your having taken the  time to let me know how you feel about a book, a character, a line or two in a novel. To everyone who had ever bought and read a Carla Giopaolo or Angel Bautista novel, thank you.I hope that you also got a life lesson or two from what you've read.

 

And I say thank you to my friends who never stop making me feel I am loved. Not a lot of people have friends who would request a billing of a son's tuition so he could pay half (unasked) or take him shopping at 10am or offer to pay for a Thailand trip for a bonding weekend or give an advance prize because her name is excluded from the raffle draw. Fewer people have ones who would stay up all night to accompany her on a taping, listen to her rant, listen to her tell an entire manuscript so that she never gets the chance to be surprised by a story twist or and ending,  or make a logo for a series I she is still just imagining or be like highschool girlfriends with her when she gets infatuated by a vietnamese actor,  or be as teary-eyed as her when her son, suddenly blurts out in the middle of dinner - Mama, I am gonna love you forever. I don't also expect to get this response (when I posted that somewhere in my wicked youth or childhood I must have done something good because there you are loving me) - you have never been wicked nor miserable, you've always been good - but it feels so good to know that people you respect and treasure most in the world thinks a world of you too.

 

And I thank the Lord for because everyday is a reminder to me of his great providence. And for all his gifts. And for the many times I feel that I am God's favorite child.

 

This year I have learned the value of waiting and of letting go.

 

i learned about a young friend's death last night. and i keep seeing that scene in zambales where she was having her pictures taken by the window and i said, she was beautiful. this is just way too sad. goodbye, joan v. and thank you so much for singing for us that morning in las pinas...

 

If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again

(lyrics from Celine Dion's Dance With my Father)

My daddy passed away when I was in Cambodia. Right after the ominous phone call that I missed, I got the text message from my sister. I didn't cry right away. It was a slower kind of pain. At first I thought I was relieved that his sufferings were over, then I felt sad that I was going to go home to a house where he wasn't anymore and then the 'reasonable'  me took over. PeopIe become more composed the more I become stressed so this is what happened. The festival director was a room away but she only learned of my dad's passing away on facebook. She was crying harder than I when she saw me and I said: I have to go home. Can we do the evaluation so it's over before I leave. And so on the day my dad died, I sat on a 3-hour evalution of the Mekong Arts and Media Festival.

I was still calm when we got back to the hotel room. And then I saw a baseball cap on top of my bed and I asked Pam - 'kanino ito? please don't tell me you're gonna start wearing baseball cap again.' Pam said, 'hindi pasalubong ko yan sa daddy ko."

I sat on the bed and said, "I don't need to buy a shirt for my dad...Pam, hindi ko na bibilhan si daddy ng pasalubong.' And that's when I started crying. Oh, the little things that remind us of our losses, of things and people that were gone and we'll never have again. That day it was the fact that whenever I go out of town, the first pasalubong that I will buy will be for my dad because he was the easiest to please. A shirt, a pair of socks. a jacket, a key chain will get the same smile. Today, what made me cry because I realized that I missed him terribly was a post in a friend's FB wall.

These lines:

If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again

Happy Father's Day, Daddy!

 

 

 

I remember being 16 and thinking (while contemplating life in UP Sunken Garden with college bestfriend, Beng Antonio) that there is a an archway to another world and you can stumble into it - where there is an endless field of tulips, daisies and daffodils and the breeze is always softly blowing your hair and where your prince awaits... i got those fancy daydreams from reading too much. and loving words too much. and loving how words can create other worlds. i have forgotten, 'till now how much i really really love poetry. i guess when one gets older, the need to be practical makes one unable to stop and smell the roses (the roses in this case, my beloved poems). and then poetry becomes just a group of words that one reads quickly and then forget. i have forgotten that poems could be savored very slowly until the words melt in your heart and until your heart, too, melts. i remember how at seventeen i would try to read organic chemistry and end up writing poems on the edges of my book and how i would try to study statistics and end up snatching e.e. cummings from my favorite shelf in my favorite corner in my favorite floor in the UP library. i remember putting the book behind other books so no one else could get to it before me. and then i remember reading LETTER TO A YOUNG POET (by Rainer Maria Rilke) and thinking these lines were written for me: How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love. So you mustn't be frightened, if a sadness rises in front of you, larger than any you have ever seen; if an anxiety, like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and over everything you do. You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall. so now, in a quaintly beautiful hotel in Davao, after several meetings, i opened my laptop to write a novel and i ended up playing Beauty and the Beast Of Love and Hope. and as i listened to this - You, Darkness (by Rainer Maria Rilke) You, darkness, that I come from I love you more than all the fires that fence in the world, for the fire makes a circle of light for everyone and then no one outside learns of you. But the darkness pulls in everything- shapes and fires, animals and myself, how easily it gathers them! - powers and people- and it is possible a great presence is moving near me. I have faith in nights. i remember that i used to write letters to me when i am older to remind me of things i should never forget - the things i belived in at 16, things and people i love, the things i keep sacred, the dreams i had. and now, i don't know where those letters are. and i forgot so many things that i should be reminding myself of now that i am the person i was writing too then. i only remember now being sixteen and sitting in Sunken Garden. I remember why I can dream and write about love...

Paolo wrote this poem for his Filipino project. They were required to write a love poem. Just sharing..

Ikaw na Talaga

by Paolo Reyles

Laging binabanggit ang pangalan niya

Damdamin ay pag-ibig nga ba?

Gusto kang laging nakikita

Puso’y umiibig na nga ba?

 

Araw-araw laging sa isip ka?

Mukhang kay ganda, sabik na makita

Matamis na ngiti, nangungusap na mata

Tinig mo’y kaysarap tulad ng musika

 

Tayo’y nagkatagpo, lubos aking saya

Kaibigan, kabarkada, tayong dalawa

Munting alaala, chocolate at bulaklak pa

Aking nadarama, alam na kaya niya?

 

Tunay at totoo – ikaw na talaga

 

I was in Muntinlupa for the Save the Children in the Philippines project when I heard the news that I am just reading in my email now:

(From a friend in Save the Children -Thailand)

It is with deep sadness that I inform you of the sudden and tragic death on 3 March, 2010 (today), of our colleague and friend Mr Yang Kun, who ran Yunnan Multi Culture Festival (Yunfest) and accompanied us in Arts and Media Festival in Cambodia, Nov 2009.  Mr Yang died from leukemia, which was only confirmed diagnosis at the end stage of disease.

Mr Yang will be warmly remembered for his dedicated and valuable contribution to his work in arts and humanity over the years, and will be greatly missed as a colleague and as a friend.

Our sympathies are with Mr Yang’s family at this time.

It is sad. When we met in Cambodia last year, he said that he will take us around Yunnan should we decide to visit. He said we can go to Tibet together. Last I saw him, he was standing on the grounds of Angkor Wat and while we were rushing to go from one temple to another, he seemed to be taking his sweet time looking around as if he had all the time in the world.

I have known Yang Kun for only a short time, a little more than a week but I am sure gonna miss him. Bye, Kun.

 

 

 

 

 

please check out my multiply site - www.carlagiopaolo.multiply.com

Hindi ko lang kayang hindi ito ikuwento so bear with me. Yesterday, I posted an old working MS and I said I would only finish it kapag nakarating na ako sa Zamboanga (naroon kasi ang Dapitan where J. Rizal was exiled). Anyway, nasabi ko na rin na lagi kong napapanaginipan si Rizal bago ako mag-birthday. That's the real reason why Edith and I schedule the trip in Feb.

Last month, Pam (another friend) told me that his Kuya Allan is getting married next year in Zamboanga. Sabi ko, sige sabay sabay na kaya tayong pumunta. Makiki-attend na rin kami ng wedding (yes, I practically invited myself). Kailan daw ang wedding? Sabi ni Pam, February pero di ko sure ang date. Sabi ko sa kanya, hay naku matatawa nalang talaga ako kapag malapit sa birthday ko ang kasal na iyan.

Nakalimutan ko na about it. Pero apparently, this morning, Pam left a message for his Kuya Allan asking when the wedding will be. Tapos she left for a client call.

 

About 15 minutes ago, she got a response from Kuya A. Walang ibang nakasulat sa message kung hindi:

02/20/10.

Hindi ko talaga kinaya. That is exactly the date of my birthday.

Hihinga lang ako ng malalim.

 

 

Sandali lang muna ang tungkol sa pagiging writer. Tungkol sa

pagiging nanay muna 26

 

As a mother, I would like to think I am pretty liberal. For one, I don 19t impose on my child what I want him to be when he grows up. May mga naiisip ako na sana pero hindi ko masyadong ipinipilit. Hinahayaan ko siyang mag-explore.

 

12 na si Pawee ko. Ayaw na nga niyang patawag na Pawee sa labas ng bahay. Ang totoo niyang pangalan ay Carl Geoffrey Paolo 13 sa kanya galing ang pen name kong Carla Giopaolo. 1cI am a man 1d na sabi niya. 1cPaolo na ang itawag sa akin ha. 1d

 

Bilang may claim na siya sa pagiging man, nag-iisip na rin talaga ako minsan. So ano nga kayang gusto niyang maging?

 

May mga hinala ako:

 

Hinala Number 1: Writer (yes, no.1 13 biased ako)

Bakit ko naisip?

Noong 7 or 8 years old pa lang siya, nasulat na niya ang kanyang first short story. Nung 9 siya,natapos niya ang kaniyang novelette, entitled: The Warrior Man, may illustration pa bawat start ng chapter kahit sinulat lang sa writing notebook. Noong 10 siya, na-bore siya sa office ko kaya gumawa siya ng one-act play.

Di pa nagpaawat,matapos sulatin, naghanap ng artistic staff ng play niya. At nagmaganda pa, kinausap ang mga  tao sa Theater Center na napili niya. Eto ang line-up niya:

Director- Soxie Topacio. Sabi ko noong una si Tito Phil na lang (Tito Phil is the director of Maynila) pero ayaw niya. Si Mother Soxie daw gusto niya. Nakasalubong niya si Mother, tinanong niya kung puwede. Siyempre pumayag si Mother.

Musical Director/Composer 13 Noel Cabangon. Um-oo na rin sa kaniya si Tito Noel pero binasa ko script niya, para namang hindi musical. Susulatan pa yata ng libretto. Oh well, bilang nagcompose na siya ng kantang Ang itik ay Naglalangoy baka naman kaya niya na rin.

 

Hinala Number 2: Actor

Meron na siyang filmography at saka videography (tama ba tawag dun?) Anyway, eto ang kanyang portfolio:

 

As Young John Pete in the MTV of Late Isabel 19s Favorite Things

As Tony in Puting Ilaw Directed By Aissa Penafiel for the UPFI

As Alon in One Up Directed by Jeminah Ferrer for the UPFI

As Little Boy (I forgot his name) in the Unilab I-comply infomercial

 

(May nakakita sa kanyang agent at lahat na lang yata ng VTR na pang-edad niya, pinapapunta kami pero hindi namin pinupuntahan dahil busy ang nanay niya na ayaw naman talaga siyang ipasok sa showbiz.)

Hinala Number 3: Singer

 

He has recorded three songs in the Childen 19s Theater Program Audio CD 13 Pag-Ibig Tulad ng Batis (Chorus), Kaya Mo, Kaya Ko (Duet) and Ako ay Isang Babae, Ako ay Isang lalaki (duet)

 

He has recorded for Gary Granada for the jingle of the Gawad Pook Awards

 

Hinala Number 4: Critique

He watches all PETA plays XX times. He takes notes of mistakes and reports it to the director.

 

One time when he was about 6 (basta panahon ng Harry Potter 2), I asked him 13 So Pao which one did you like more. Yung 1 o etong 2. Sabi niya sa akin. 13 Ma, I like the musical score of the first pero mas maganda ang production design nitong second (seriously, there is something wrong with this kid)

 

Okay yata ako kahit alin sa mga hinala ko. Tutal kahit ayoko siyang payagang mag-artista ng totohan ngayon, ang usapan naman pag tapos na siya ng college, eh. Hmm, baka puwede ring director.

 

Kagabi, pag-uwi ko sa bahay, nagsusulat siya ng script para sa presentation nila sa school. Sabi niya, 1cMa, paglaki ko 26

 

(Oh my God, finally malalaman ko na. Nagsusulat siya so malaki ang chance nung number 1 hinala ko.)

1dMa, alam mo, paglaki ko gusto kong maging professional wrestler. 1d

 

Promise, gusto kong mahimatay.

Nung tiningnan ko sinusulat niya, ang pangalan ng mga characters ay Rey Mysterio, John Cena, Undertaker at saka Edge.

Kainis.

I was really looking for some documents I need to write my annual MPR report but found this instead. It says in the doc information that I wrote it December 10, 3 something am. Anyway, this is meant to be poster here, I think because the title says, for LJ entry.

Dumaguete Break

On our way home from a late night meeting for a Karaoke Dream performance in the DFA auditorium, I finally figured that whenever I plan a vacation something invariably comes up to make sure it doesn’t happen. It was going to be a long weekend with Monday declared as a holiday. So without making arrangements for Pawee and without checking in with Jette (who had been inviting me forever to go there and anyway, I did warn her that if I indeed go, I didn’t want a planned agenda – I would prefer to sit and stare ), I picked up the phone and booked a flight to Dumaguete.

It took me about 20 minutes to get a confirmation. I needed to go back to Manila Sunday night because we promised Tito Bembol to watch Gerilya in CCP so I got the earliest Saturday flight to Dumaguete and latest Sunday flight to Manila.

After I put down the phone, Ian, who was sitting in front of the cab said, “Kailan ka pupunta sa Dumaguete?”

“Saturday,” I said.

“This Saturday?” He asked. It was already Monday night.

“Yup.” I said, dialling my sister’s number to ask if she could pick up Pawee from our house so he could stay in my parents house in San Pablo.

“Sama kaya ako?” Ian spoke again.

Pam who was sitting beside me and had other plans for the weekend said. “Syet, kakainis kaya kayo.”

And that was how all three of us ended in the 7am flight of Cebu Pacific to Dumaguete. ETA – 8:10am.

All three of us had just been to a tour of three productions which started in Nueva Ecija moved to Isabela and ended in Laoag (by land through Cagayan Valley and Aparri), anyone would think we will be so tired of traveling… but this wasn’t work related and we’re traveling by plane…

This is vacation!

What we did in Dumaguete?

•Went to Jette’s place to drop off our stuff and freshen up

•Walked along the boulevard (kinda like the Manila bay with cleaner water)

•Ate second breakfast (first one in the airport and we are really turning into hobbits)

•Got foot reflex massage. If any one of you guys reading this intend to go to Dumaguete. Do not, I repeat, do not forget to go to the park across the church to treat yourself to one of these. Cheap too. You pay only for the cost of a face towel, a small bottle of alcohol and “kahit magkano” tip to the reflexologist.
•Lunch with Dessa who introduced us to the concept of slow food (as opposed to fast food). It’s all the rave in Europe she said. Had one of the best seafood chowder I’ve ever tasted and vegetable kebab which makes me want to consider going vegetarian.

•Massage + Lunch = Sleepiness. We went home to watch “Kate and Leopold” and “Serendipity” and sleep. Simultaneously.
•Went back to a gift shop owned by Gifts (that’s her name) who also designs the one-of-a kind pieces that the shop sells.
•Jette tricked us into walking about two-kilometers by saying “Malapit na,” every five minutes to Hayahay, the famour resto-bar which reminded me of the bars in Boracay. Totally worth it. The Camiguin express was superb. And Pam pigged out on the chili crab (not as good as the one we had in the beachfront restaurants found in Sabang, Palawan, she said but still really good)


•After mix drinking beer, rum-coke and tequila, we got hungry again and went to the tempurahan in the boulevard (sidewalk stalls open only after 4 pm) and ate balut and tempura – kikiam actually.
•Slept long
•Breakfast of suman and chocolate and pancit in Teves Stall in the palengke. Dessa recommended it but the whole of Dumaguete seemed to be eating breakfast there when we got there. Finally got seats. This food place is also a MUST. Our bill was P 115.00 for 4 people. The vendor misunderstood our shocked look and thinking that we found it too expensive even recomputed our bill

•3-hour “Tunganga time” in Beach. More pictures. And lunch. A bit expensive but the view there was fantastic.
•
* Dessert in the famous Sans Rival where we got Sylvanas for pasalubong
• Airport again


The next two weeks before the Christmas break is going to be tough : IOM video shoot, DOLE 7th year anniversary and yes, we even agreed to organize the PETA Christmas party, submission of reports for all the above, the 6-end mancom eval and report and I still owe Tita maribel the Noli-Fili tour experience paper. But this trip has been the equivalent of a power nap on a real crazy day. I’m ready to work!

Incidentally, I saw in the smile magazine this feature about the three islands in San Jose, Occidental Mindoro.

Hmm………..

Just finished MPRO six months eval (and planning). Love this place we are in -


the perfect-place-for-"tunganga"-cabana is on the beachfront just a few steps away from the cottages






sunset view






and the people i have the good luck to be working with --

off to see the wizard (?)




sunrise in angkor wat (can't find a better reason to wake up early)



climbing angkor (lara croft meets golum)



taking a break among the ruins (where else?)



Happy herb pizza!




sailing where the three rivers meet - ton le sap, ton le basak and the great mekong river



somewhere in ayutthaya



or in cagayan de oro



(with pao..)



white island, camiguin!



boracay!!



and again!

1. contact lenses - threw away my last pair last night. they are still drying up to crispy plastics on top of my shoe rack as we speak. i'm wearing a pair of eyeglasses which were deformed for having been pressed between me and my bed two nights in a row. the glare (from the glasses)is giving me a headache.

2. sugar - first sugar-free day and my energy level is sub-zero

3. oil-free face - a friend says, "oiliness is next to poverty". i'm looking poorer and poorer by the minute.

4. graphic novel version of Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere (sigh)

5. plane tickets to thailand

taken after clam watching and snorkelling in camiguin.

he hurt his feet and i my knees. so we said we should make up a story and tell everyone that we were pursued by giant sea urchins and bumped into gigantic corals.

Son : Ma, puwede ba kong magtinda ng balut?
Me : huh?
Son : Balut, ma, puwede ba akong maglako
Me : Kasi,babe bawal magtrabaho ang bata, diba?
Son : E bakit yung ibang bata, nagtitinda ng gulay
Me : Hindi sila sumusunod sa law
Son : Please kahit every other day lang
Me : Okay sige pero kailangan mo munang kumuha ng permit sa DSWD.
Son : Saan iyon?
Me : Pasama ka sa Tito mo
Son : Ma?
Me : O
Son : Puwede bang humingi ng pang gas?
Me : Okay. Pero may bayad din kasi iyong pagkuha ng permit
Son : Ha?
Me : Yup
Son : Magkano?
Me : 3,000.00
Son : Ma, hindi na lang ako magtitinda ng balut

i am supposed to write a 6-month report for mancom at 10am. instead i've been procrastinating for the last two hours. i've tried downloading the 8th episode of Heroes (no success), opening my friendster (which i haven't seen for the last 3 months or so) and then finally, landing on this page (no idea what to write).


thus, begins my day...

my fifth day here in tokyo. it's so cold here. yesterday morning it was 3C. tomorrow, i am going back to the philippines. but today i'm going shopping!

i dropped my phone in the toilet bowl.